How To Love Again
by AngelFallenOutOfHeaven
Summary: What would have happened if when Emily Prentiss had to fake her death because of Ian Doyle, JJ told Spencer Reid about it and not Aaron Hotchner. How would Hotch react? And what if Emily and Hotch were secretly in love but they were afraid to tell eachother? This is set during season six of Criminal Minds.
1. Chapter 1: The Waiting Room

**Hey guys! I also forgot to mention that Hotch found Emily instead of Morgan.****Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the story!****~AngelFallenOutOfHeaven**

*****

**Third Person POV**

Everyone was in the waiting room, anxious to hear the news about their friend and colleague, Emily Prentiss.

SSA Aaron Hotchner was sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs, his head in his hands and his heart in his throat. Tears threatened to spill over as he thought of Emily and how he found her.

**********

_As they cut the power to the building, it became very dark, only the moonlight provided guidence through the dark and it wasn't enough to see very far_.

_Hotch told the rest of the team to turn on their flashlights and to spread out; getting Emily was his main objective for this mission tonight. Of course, they would have to capture Ian Doyle as well, but Emily was the main priority._

_Everyone on the team looked up as a scream broke through the air- Emily's scream. Hotch broke into a run, not caring to see who was following him nor who was looming in the dark, ready to aim their gun and take him out._

_He heard several shots behind him but he didn't care. He didn't care. The only thing that was on his mind was Emily.__When Hotch reatched the room where Emily was in, he saw Doyle at the end of a long hallway and he was running to an escape route._

_Hotch also saw Emily; she was in a corner of the room and a long piece of wood was lodged into her chest._

_Hotch felt tears in his eyes and pain in his chest at the sight. Emily couldn't die, she couldn't. He rushed over to her and kneeled at her side. Emily slowly turned her head to look at him._

_Hotch put his hands in her clammy hands and squeezed. Hotch could see the strength in her eyes and he can see it weaken- she didn't have a lot of time._

_"Medic!" he yelled once he found his voice again._

_"Let me go." Emily pleaded weakly. How could she ask this? He couldn't let her go- not now._

_He still hasn't even worked up the courage to tell her that he loved her. He knew that it was selfish not to let her go after she had endoured so much pain, but he didn't care. He couldn't let her go._

_"No." he said sternly. He wouldn't give in.__Emily was slipping into blacknes now, her body shutting down and her eyes closing._

_"No, don't do this to me Emily. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me. Just squeeze my hand."_ _Hotch felt her fingers squeeze back lightly although she didn't open her eyes._

_"Just keep squeezing my hand. Good."__Hotch looked back up from Emily and screamed. "Where is the medic?!"_

*****

Everyone in the waiting room heard the soft padding of someone's feet coming down the hall and it was JJ who stoped at the doorway, her eyes red-rimmed from crying and she had tears in her eyes.

She looked down as she spoke, refusing to look at anyone. "She never made it off the table."


	2. Chapter 2: Emily's Request

**Third Person POV**

The silence that follows after JJ's words are suffocating and nobody breaks the silence. Then Spencer Reid gets up from his chair and JJ stops him.

"Where are you going?" JJ asks him, grabbing his shoulders to stop him from moving. Spencer averts his eyes as a tear slips down his cheek.

"I never got a chance to say goodbye." he says. JJ pulls him in for a hug and they grip eachother tight, not wanting to let go of eachother.

JJ puts her lips up to his ear and whispers to him so that no one else can hear, "Follow me. I have to show you something. But quiet, no one can know where we're going." Before Spencer can say anything, JJ takes his hand and silently leads him out of the room. Once they are out of earshot of the rest of the team, she begins to speak as they walk.

"While the doctors worked on Emily, it was touch-and-go for a while, and they weren't sure if they would be able to stabalize her and keep her alive. But they were able to stabalize her and she is alive. Before you ask, the reason why I had to lie to the team is Doyle is still out there and if he found out that Emily is still alive then he would come back to kill her. It's safer for her if everyone thinks that she is dead so Doyle doesn't come back."

Spencer gets confused by her words. "But why would you tell me?"

They reach their destination and Erin Strauss detatches herself from the doorframe.

"Because Emily wants you to be her handler." Strauss crosses her arms over her chest and looks at Spencer expectantly, as if he could tell her why.

"Why would she want me as her handler?" Spencer asks.

"I don't know," Strauss admits, "why don't you ask her?"

All three of them turn to look into the window that sits in front of them. In the window is a hospital room that has white walls, machines, and a hospital bed. Occupying the bed is a woman with raven black hair who is stairing up at the ceiling avove her. It's Emily.

Spencer puts his hand on the door knob and turns to JJ, silently asking if it's okay to go in. JJ gives him a nod and looks at him encouragingly, gesturing him to open the door. Spencer takes a deep breath and then turns the door knob in his hand, suddenly nervous to see his friend on the other side of the door.

"Emily?" he asks as soon as he steps in and at his voice, Emily moves her head a fraction in his direction.

"Reid?" Emily questions, her voice weak and hoarse from a mixture of the pain and the pain killers that were using her body as a battle ground inside herself.

The young agent rushes to her side, taking her hand in his. "It's okay, Emily." he assures. "I'm here."

Confusion spreads across his face as he thinks of the question that has been bugging him since he was just told a few minutes ago that Emily was actually alive. Seeing his puzzled expression, Emily says, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Spencer starts. "I'm just confused. Why would you want me to be your handler? Why not Morgan or Hotch or Rossi?"

"Because I know that I can always confide in you no matter what. And that's an important quality to have in a handler." she jokes. "But you have to promise me something."

"Promise you what?"

"That you won't tell the rest of the team that I'm alive."

He nods. "I promise."

"And Reid?" Emily says.

"Yes?"

"Please take care of our team. And make sure that they move on at some point, okay? Please don't let them mope around forever. All of them deserve to be happy."

Spencer nods once more. "I will."

*****

**Hey guys! Sorry that this chapter wasn't longer, I promise that I'll try to make the next chapter is even longer. But on the bright side, this chapter was at least a little longer than the previous one so yay!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review! Constructive criticism is always welcome!**

**See you in the next chapter!**

**~Angel****FallenOutOfHeaven**


	3. Chapter 3: And So The Family Mourns

**Third Person POV**

Today is the funeral for SSA Emily Prentiss. Everyone was dressed in black, all of them mourning the loss of their friend.

Hotch is beside himself with grief. He wasn't able to tell Emily how he really felt all because of his stupid insecurities. He thought that he didn't deserve her- that he shouldn't be with her because people got hurt when they got close to him. Just take a look at his ex-wife. She was murdered because of a phychopath that was bent on getting revenge on things that _Hotch _did. Not Haley.

But now, it's too late. Hotch will never be able to tell Emily how he truly feels. Someone mumbled to him, but it sounded far away.

"Hotch." the voice pressed, closer this time and more clear.

Hotch blinked his eyes and he realized that it's Derek Morgan who was talking to him. Before he could even ask what Derek wanted, the other agent gestured to the flowers on the casket, indicating that it's Hotch's turn to put his on the casket.

The senior agent nodded his head in thanks and went up to the black casket, laying down the flower he had in his hands.

He went to stand with the rest of the team, each one with their head bowed, pain and sorrow on their faces.

Derek returned to the group after he layed his flower down and took his place to the left of Penelope Garcia.

The funeral went on but Hotch didn't pay much attention. He got swallowed in memories of Emily and he didn't want to leave those momories; he didn't want to face the reality that she was gone.

*****

Each one of the team members expressed their grief in different ways; Penelope cried for days on end, only finding relief when she slept. Derek was constantly mad, he went to the gym and beat a punching bag until the skin on his knuckles split and blood trickled out of the wounds. David Rossi immersed himself in paper work, only coming up for air to take a sip of scotch or to sleep. Hotch had asked Jessica to take Jack for a few days and he lost himself in memories of Emily.

The only ones who weren't completely grief-stricken were JJ and Spencer, because they knew the truth- that Emily wasn't really dead. When the two weren't around the rest of the team, they met up and talked about how Emily was doing.

The team was interviewed by Erin Strauss in a grief assessment and then they went back to work. Even though to the team it seems like the world has stopped; it hasn't. Life goes on.

*****

_The team had just wrapped up a case and everyone was tired. Penelope and Derek had already gone home for the night after wishing everyone_ _had a good nights rest_.

_Spencer was at his desk and was immersed in a conversaition with JJ. Both of them went home after a while. Rossi was in his office and had paperwork infront of him that he was finishing up._

_Hotch was in his office when he heard a knock on the door._

_"Come in." he called softly, wondering who could be knocking on his door at this time. He hadn't looked out his office window and he assumed that everone had gone home._

_A tired-looking Emily opened the door and brought her heavy eyes up to Hotch's face._

_"Do you mind if I sit down?" she gestured to one of the chairs infront of Hotch's desk._

_"Not at all," was his reply. He was curious as to what she was going to say._

_As soon as Emily sat down, she let out a sigh that was from stress and anxiety._

_"What's wrong?" Hotch asked her. He took a look at her and noticed things that he hadn't before. Like how her shoulders slumped but her back was tense, as if she was waiting for an attack to happen at any moment. Or how she had dark bags under her eyes, indicating that she had not been sleeping. Or how her lips were chapped and she was a lot thinner then she was the previous year._

_What was wrong? He thought. She's obviously stressed. But what about?_

_"Nothing," Emily had answered. "I'm just tired."_

_"I thought you had went home. Are you sure that it's just nothing?" Hotch wondered._

_Emily liked her chapped lips and started picking at her fingernails. She refused to look Hotch in the eyes. "Yeah, I did go home but I forgot something so I wanted to come back and get it. And yes, I'm sure it's nothing."_

_Hotch looked at her skeptically but didn't say anything. He knew that something was wrong, but she was so stubborn that she wasn't going to say anything and Hotch knew that._

_The sceptical FBI Agent went back to his work but it was hard to concentrate with his raven haired co-worker sitting right infront of him._

_"Hotch?" she tentatively asked him._

_He looked up from his work again, greatful for the excuse to stop working on the paperwork that he couldn't focus on doing anyway._

_"Yes?" he questioned._

_"What would you do, hypothetically speaking of course, if something were to endanger the team but you could save them if you yourself went away?"_

_Hotch was baffled by the question and had to repeat the question again and again in his head before he finally answered. "I would take myself away from the team. If I could prevent them from getting hurt, of course I would."_

_Emily nodded to this. Hotch opened his mouth to ask why she would ask him this, but she was already gone._

*****

Hotch shot up out of bed, gasping for air as the images from the dream still haunted him. She was trying to tell him all along what she was going to do and he didn't catch the double meaning to her words in time. She was dead. And he could have prevented it. She died and it was his fault.

He dragged his hand down his face and tears started to crawl down his cheeks at the realization. How does he go on from here?

*****

**Hey guys! New extra long chapter for you! I know that I haven't updated in a while but I just had a little bit of writter's block and I'm here now!**

**Thank you to all of the comments on this book so far and please keep the comments coming! I love reading the opinions of my readers and I would love to read even more comments!**

**See you in the next chapter!!!**

**~****AngelFallenOutOfHeaven**


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